Addicted to him
A letter from the cycle we don’t talk about enough: the hurt, the heat, and the heartbreak.
I kept waiting for that text that would never come. Somehow hoping he sort of cared that I was mad at him and wouldn’t talk to him. He asked me just once! without even a shred of emotion…if I was okay… like he didn’t just rip my heart out for the hundredth time.
And I’ll still be the one to text first.
He’ll still ask me to come over.
And stupidly… I’ll still go.
But I wouldn’t learn from my mistakes, because I loved the bad boys….the nonchalant men that made me question my worth over and over again. The kind of guys that made the phrase “trust issues” exist. The kind of men that made tears fall from both my eyes and my legs. The kind of boys that liked me enough to f*ck me but never enough to date me. The kind of guys I could never say no to. The kind that made me feel like I wasn’t worth the effort.
Yet again, we had a crazy, annoying fight about how disrespectful he was. And all he could think about? The next position he’d put me in. What he’d do to me. What he’d want me to say.
Slowly, I began to see myself as just his little whore; someone he’d never truly care about or want to give a f*ck about. Not enough to comfort me. Not enough to pay attention to the littlest details; or even the big ones. But somehow, he knew exactly how to get me screaming. He knew exactly where my magic button was. He could make my legs shake, but couldn’t remember if I preferred silver to gold jewelry.
(Guys, I don’t think I can finish this letter 😪)
(Nevermind… let’s continue 😂)
He could never love me how I wanted to be loved. He could barely care about me. But somehow I hoped one day he would. I didn’t try to change him—I just hoped he’d learn how I needed to be cared for. Even when I tried to communicate, he’d shut me up with a kiss… a bite on a sensitive spot… a squeeze in the right place. It was a drug. And even rehab couldn’t help me. It hurt like a bitch.
Well, he’s texted again—with some dumb-ass reply—and stupid-ass me is going back to his DMs… using his sexual attractiveness to make excuses for all his shortcomings.
For real this time… I don’t know how to end this so… Bye guys. 😂💔
"Guys, I don’t think I can finish this letter"
You better don't allow me find you!😭
This made me feel a lot of ways.
Come to me let me love you now oh.
p.s: is it who I think it is? 🥺
And oh, you didn't ask, but N wrote a piece that I can partially relate back to this. I feel like his art would call out to so many people – they just need to find him first.